U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
