Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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