I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
