And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
