Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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