grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
