This is not my ceiling
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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