This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's blow job season.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
