I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
