Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
