Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
