Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
