youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
