Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Found your dick twin last night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
