My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
