Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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