At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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