im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
