seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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