I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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