Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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