Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
