whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
