he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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