Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
