I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
