hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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