My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
