If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
