Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
