Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
