he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
