I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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