Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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