We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
