Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
