I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How does one acquire holy water?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
