either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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