he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
