There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
