I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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