i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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