Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
