I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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