I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
