that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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