I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
