I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
