I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Drake has all the answers
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
