my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
