Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
