the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
