i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
