my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
